Last night while I was worshipping God at our ladies night at church, this song came on...
Let my heart find strength in Your presence
How beautifully these lyrics spoke to me.
Several months ago, I was going through a transition in my life where I did not know what I wanted to do next. At the time, I was working as a first grade assistant at a christian school but truly felt the Lord calling me to do more.
I felt my days just went on and on and I was only taking baby steps towards my future. There were many days I would stop myself and think how selfish could I be? The Lord has entrusted me with so many of his precious children and although I wasn't at the final stage of my dream job, and holding my very own classroom, He had me right where He wanted me.
Sometimes I struggle with His time.
I spent so many months worrying about the following school year and where I would be, and what leadership role I would take - if even offered any.
All that time spent worrying and pep talking myself, I failed to worship - and I know this now because I've learned it is very difficult to worry when you are actively worshipping.
I felt many things during this time...
-Selfish for not always being thankful no matter the circumstance
-Fear of going on another year stuck in the same spot
Were my expectations too high for God? - God, place me in a great christian school, in a good area of town, and preferably not too far from my house... Seriously Erica? I was lacking real faith.
......
Then over the next couple of weeks, somethings happened that reminded me that God was always in control and will always be in control.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11
Situation1: I finally landed an interview at a small private school, near my house and in a good area. Ok check, check, check. Wait what about the christian part. It's ok I can compromise. It will be a lead teaching job and I can still show the children about Jesus in other ways. At thats moment it didn't really matter that I felt God wanting me to work in a christian organization... Do you argue with yourself?
I was totally thrilled! I told my husband all about the school, showed him their philosophy and was saddened when he told me that the philosophies of this school were against what I believed was right. Ok, well that doesn't matter at this moment, all that matters is that I have an interview.
Do you ever go into something knowing it's not His plan but you suddenly find yourself making a whole lot of excuses to try and convince yourself? Yup. This is where I was at.
Driving to the interview- All dressed up-Resume in hand- Thinking this was the one. In the car, I prayed and asked God to please pour His mercy over me and intercede if this was not in His plan. Even though I had a gut feeling it wasn't already - I wanted the "neon sign" from the sky.
As I pulled into the parking lot, my phone rang.
"Hello Mrs. Diaz, we just wanted to inform you that your interview is canceled and we will no longer be needing a teacher to fill this position. Sorry for the inconvenience and best of luck."
Really, God did you just intercede that quickly?
Looking back now, I don't know why I ever needed Him to prove himself to me, when all along I should have just had faith and peace in knowing wherever He wanted me to be, is where I would be there. I guess He knows that I am a very indecisive daughter of His.
From that moment on, I looked at my hunt differently. When you see God's hand work in your life in perfect timing, it is hard to lack faith.
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Situation 2: A few weeks after that, I landed an interview for a private, christian school - this time and thought, ok this is it. It has everything on my list.... low and behold, you will never believe what happened next. The same exact thing as situation 1. God proved himself again.
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Where was He leading me? Why was He interceding in all of these potential positions? What did He have planned for me?
.....
With a hole lot of advice, counsel and prayer from my husband, mother in love and my amazing Godly teacher friends, I began to end the school year at peace knowing that wherever God wanted me to be in the fall, He lead me there. It no longer mattered what position I would have, all that mattered is that I was putting my full faith in Him and just seeing where He wanted me to serve.
Towards the last few weeks of school, I scheduled a meeting with my principal and told her that I had been looking around, but that I truly wanted to stay right where I was at because I loved the school so much and everything they were about. She knew my heart. She knew how badly I wanted to teach there. The problem was, there just wasn't anything else open.
The last week of school finally came around, and I still hadn't heard anything...so I scheduled a final meeting with my principal as a usual follow up and she informed me that she might have something. She hadn't really considered me from it in the past because I didn't have very much background knowledge in the field but after thinking long and hard, she thought it might be the perfect fit.
.....
Wait a minute.....what? A potential spot right here at the place that went in exact line with my selfish prayer. God, place me in a great christian school, in a good area of town, and preferably not too far from my house.
.....
Speeding the story up for times sake, I spend this entire summer working and learning on how to be the very best at the position and was blessed with it towards the end of June. I will now be staying at my dream school and running our new Learning Commons - my duty is to convert the old library into a modern 21st century hub - a place where kids can go and research and learn outside of the classroom.
I am so humbled by the Lords timing and for His guidance along the way. God never fails. He will always prepare you for where He wants you.
I believe this position is an even better fit than if I were to have become a classroom teacher based on my education and experience. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever thought this up on my own.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". Ephesians 3:20
